The Essence Of Intimacy

How can we trust? Why do we need to trust? If we do not trust, we do not connect. If we cannot connect we are bypassing basic human function, not fulfilling what the ‘social brain’ needs in order to flourish and thrive and essentially, becoming devoid of emotional intelligence.

Creating safety in a relationship is paramount to feeling and embodying longevity and a quality of exchange in intimacy within that relationship.

Relationships, love and intimacy will always face challenge. This is a beautiful part of our growth as people and social beings. Often understood as: the more intense and confronting the challenge, the more profound the possibility and potential for immense growth.

There is however a tipping point and this translates to us being deeply present to our behaviours, attitudes and beliefs around who we are and how we interact in our relationships.

There is one question that if asked in the midst of turmoil, pain, suffering or difficulty in relationship that will change the course and dynamic of that relationship. It is as follows: ‘What would love do now’?

If you can openly connect to that question, own that question and allow the permeating authentic truth of that question to come fourth, then you are growing and importantly through the consistent practice of asking this question you are cultivating beautiful trust and safety in your relationship.

  • Cultivating a sense of safety within the relationship builds trust.
  • Exhibiting trust and being open to receiving trust allows us to expand our consciousness and the openness in which we relate to each other.
  • In order to feel trustworthy, project trustworthiness and create an atmosphere of safety we must be consistent in our actions.
  • The combination of safety, trust and consistency leads us to moving through life with certainty. This is a powerful human motivator.

It is this practice of consistency that liberates us from the mundane and opens our hearts to the possibility of infinite love and true connection. Consistency works in any direction and we become competent and proficient at what we expose ourselves to regularly.

The basic principles are honouring trust through actions that are trustworthy and safe (predictable and endearing) through exposure and continuous repetition.

It takes very little effort to break trust and that is why consistency (in alignment with mutual highest values) is an integral part of the trusting process.

We must be consistent with our predictability in relationship. Particularly in the manner by which we disagree, communicate and present ourselves when under pressure.

If we consistently or regularly present as a threat, the people in our lives will retract. Neurologically, they will be on high alert, tensile and fearful of the unpredictability in the emotional volatility being presented.

They will essentially feel in danger when in our presence and it becomes cyclical paradigm where this fight / flight response feeds off its environment and of itself.

That is why it becomes imperative our beloved and loved ones know us, see us for who we; we have a capacity to be ourselves, be authentic, vulnerable, self-acknowledged and emotionally literate.

All of this contributes to repetition in exposing ourselves in such a way that is familiar. Our loved ones need not guess how we will respond to volatile circumstances.

This familiarity breed’s comfort, which ultimately cultivates states and feelings of safety and awareness.

We are ultimately responsible for allowing trust to flow through us – in to us and towards others. If we are in a situation that does not serve us, we must be mature enough, strong enough, wise enough and adept enough to remove ourselves from unsafe circumstances.

An easy task? No, but one worth contemplating. Trust is the cornerstone of growth in any intimate relationship.


One is always glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



Men – The Need For Freedom

Traditionally, men have required freedom in order to function, in order to feel safe, at peace and connected.

This is not a, nor THE problem. The ‘problem’ (or perhaps puzzle to put together and mystery to solve) is how we have defined freedom as a collective and how we will define it moving forward?

The Underestimating Of Female Power

As a collective energy and historically men have disregarded the sacredness of women – the authentic power they bring and the presence they contain.
The narrative has been one of discrimination, segregation, divide, oppression and minimisation…

From Fracture We Are Reborn

We often chastise pain in the form of fracture or confusion. We wish to eliminate doubt from our being and whilst being riddled with doubt long term is not healthy, these embodied states play a crucial role in our psychological, emotional, spiritual and social development.

These ‘broken’ states that we experience have the capacity to liberate us by shining a light of wisdom and attention to what no longer serves us and is no longer working for us.


Masculinity is forced because true masculinity in contemporary times has been suppressed. There are those that may say if something is forced, then it is not real, nor a worthy pursuit. AND, do we not at times force ourselves to play an instrument or up level our smarts in certain expressions or remain focused on a disagreement with a loved one so that we can reconcile?

10 Things You Shouldn’t Hide From Your Partner

If you are grounded in higher self-worth within yourself, couldn’t you just be you? If you believed in what you offered and were confident and less attached to the outcome of how someone or something must be, why would you hide?

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