The Debilitating & Controlling Nature Of Fear

The Sadness Of Fear

I find it so deeply sad that fear controls our lives, that fear limits us from experiencing wonder, joy, expansion, opportunity and deep love. Love itself is a multidimensional, multilayered and multifaceted experiential state. It is often beyond our comprehension and depending on the context we find ourselves in, love presents in varied forms. It is felt in multiple ways, it is expressed with such breadth and depth.

Fear inhibits love to be felt fully. Fear stunts our ability to venture in to the unknown chasms where love often resides. Love is a gift from ourselves to ourselves. Whilst we know profoundly yet simultaneously know little of love, we do know that love resides in the most articulate and profound chasms of our being. Fear stunts our exploration of love. Fear and the fear of fear itself pulls us back from venturing in to the depth and authentic essence of love.


Fear & Love

This is one of the deep reasons that love is not understood as it could be. It is not felt, known, and ‘remembered’ as it could be because we are paralysed by fear. These fears present themselves in many forms. Often, it speaks so loudly to us, it presents in the form of ego and screams avoidance, discomfort, pain and every other reason or reasons why we should not venture in to the depths and truth of love.

And sometimes for good reason, sometimes we think we are wishing to venture in to love and it is not fear that is pulling us back but rather our well-aligned intuition speaking to us through various expressive modalities. The trouble is that being discerning and have conviction and clarity in this space can be challenging.

But this piece is not about well-aligned intuition; it is in direct reference to the fear. So how do we distinguish between ego and fear and clarity of intuition with respect to actualising our inner state through processes of action?


The Power Of Discernment

Discernment here is not easy, in fact it is profoundly challenging. As a starting point (and that is all we require in this present moment) we must choose to feel in to our pain. Are we avoiding pain through our choices? Are we feeling anxiousness in our minds, tension in bodies and disconnection and numbness in our heart when we choose to ignore a seeking of truth that is calling us loudly?

If we are avoiding experiencing a particular state or aspect of self because it scares us then we must choose to pay closer attention to that which we are running from. This can be confronting, it can be draining, confusing, our minds move in to overload and we feel disconnected, vulnerable, cracked open, overwhelmed, and perhaps weak and susceptible to further pain.


The Seeking Of Trust

It is here that we must seek trusted, revered and respected souls to support and nurture our growth and our journey in to self. We must believe in our capacity to ‘hold space for ourselves’. To be kind to ourselves during these times of challenge and confusion. Through confusion we have a great capacity to connect to clarity of being, but only if we are willing to pursue. We can only pursue if we feel safe enough to do so. There needs to be a base level of safety in our pursuit towards embodying a more open version of self.


Holding Space

To hold space for ourselves means we are willing to move through and shift through our pain points, to accept who and what we are. Fear paralyses us from knowing the essence and core of our magnificence and who we are. Fear itself pushes us towards knowing less of ourselves. Fear pushes us towards ill-equipped coping strategies that are disconnecting and remove us from our power.

We can only expand ourselves and shift our fears when we choose to be there for ourselves, when we choose to own our pains and realise our perfect imperfections – to be at peace with this and in fact begin to love all aspects and parts of ourselves.

When we choose a daily practice of centeredness and connection to self, we are screaming to self that we care, love and revere ourselves enough to give openly to our being. Fear is a destructive pattern that inhibits our expressions, limits our potential, forces us to play small and creates entitled, angry, sad and disconnected individuals. We must allow ourselves to be a container for true and authentic experience for self.


Cultivating Deep Self-Compassion

This means being with self in such a way that allows self-compassion to reign supreme to counteract the apprehension and fear of searching deep within… Self-love must be explored in such a way that the process takes in to account our past, our history, our patterning and the way in which we were loved (or not) and expressed love (or did not) during our formative years. Fear (in this context) often exists to detract us from discovering our truth. Yes, this truth can be painful, but it is also liberating and when something is known it has no capacity to control our movements through this world.

But to know our pain for what it is can be too overwhelming. This is where self-love practices, self-awareness practices, self-compassion practices and a journey of knowing self are necessary and needed in order to thrive and then survive through the confronting nature of embodying wholeness.


Knowing Ourselves

If we continue to allow fear to debilitate us by limiting our expression and further taking us away from embodying our whole selves our relationships will become distant, distorted and frail. We will erode our connection to our authentic nature of pure love and we will never know what it truly means to be loved. We will continue to live in a fractured manner and receive therefore, fragmented and broken experiences.

The path of he or she who confronts their darkness or demons or pains or shadow is not for the faint-hearted, but the rewards are immense and freeing. You can only know this by choosing to move with your fears. The choices are yours… Your time is now…


One is always glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



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