Stef Sifandos

Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

This article is really about what men must give to women when being in relationship. Now, improving the quality of our relationships is dependant on serving each other’s needs. In this article we explore the 15 things women want from a man in a relationship in order to create harmony, growth and deep love.

As men we must learn to understand the women in our lives. Know thought that these principles are not just limited to heterosexual dynamics and relationships. We are largely speaking to the contrast of energies found within each of us – go and flow / be and do / masculine and feminine. In this article we are appealing to the flow, be and feminine energies.

We are speaking to what these energies within us require in order to feel connected, to flourish, to feel safe and to be able to grow through and in relationship.

In addition, we are also referring and speaking to what the feminine within needs from the masculine within in order to be whole. Therefore, from this perspective wholeness is ‘an inside job’ and is found primarily within.

Without further a due, lets us immerse in to the 15 things women want from a man in a relationship.

 1. To Feel Safe

In order to be ourselves we must feel safe, in order to have full expression in our being and we must feel safe. No, women are not looking to be purely protected by men. This is not what this is principle is about. It is about surrounding ourselves with people that we trust, revere and respect in order to know we can be ourselves and not be judged, critiqued and slandered for expressing our truth. This includes men refraining from violence, abhorrence, unpredictability, volatility and extreme expressions of emotive behaviour.

Importantly, it is crucial to keep in mind when reading these 15 principles we must apply this wisdom to ourselves primarily – what do we need and secondly what we need from the partners and the men in our lives and men, what must you give your women in order to embody exceptional, magnificent and extraordinary relationships.

 2. To Be Challenged In A Healthy Way

Through challenge we grow. In growth we become whole and move towards what we need to be. Men need to learn how to challenge women in healthy ways and not be demeaning in their ways. Challenge comes in the form of gently and respectfully creating thought-provoking circumstances where others may question their reality from a vantage point of evolution. This becomes a powerful tool for connectedness, love and expansion.

 3. Presence

Being present to our women means holding space for their being. That means as men, we must come to the party with all that we are. This is what showing up means – our history, our shadow, our brilliance, our wisdom and all that we are is present to our women so that they may know the fullness of who we are. Additionally, we present in such a way that allows us to be deeply attentive to the women in our lives, to honour their needs and to be present to their expression.

 4. To Be Witnessed

We all wish to be witnessed to be seen for who we truly are without filters. This façade that so many of us must put on is tiring. It is time for this to change. In order to be witnessed the people witnessing us must be ready to step in to the fullness of their own authentic power and own their truth. Being witnessed means a woman can flourish in to her being.

 5. To Be Heard & Listened To

As men or the do, go and masculine energy within we are always wanting to ‘fix’ things, life, perceived problems and circumstances. With this in mind, we are actually never present to simply actively listen and with intent. There are times when the feminine simply wishes to be heard, to express openly and through this expression, she is known and loved. This is in part what it means to be a real man – To listen intently and from a place of love.

 6. Allowed To Be Self

Being authentic and real in life liberates us and allows us to be fully connected to our power. In doing so – in truly being ourselves we feel nurtured, loved, connected and open. It is in this openness that we cultivate an ability to release harboured tension, negative emotions and a reality based on falsehood. In order for this to occur we must surround ourselves in an environment that is safe and ordered. This is our starting point and as anyone in a relationship (men in this context) we have an obligation to honour the other in this way.

 7. To Feel Discipline From Within

Discipline is a powerful doing energy that allows us to pass through certain experiences, which in turn allows us to embody very specific experiences where we can the fullness of ourselves and the entire spectrum of our feeling body. This is important for connection, growth in a relationship and expansion of the self. Discipline allows us to ‘get things done’ and in life at times we need this focus. This is part of the world we live in and these experiences grant us access to varied states of self.

 8. To Feel Awareness

Awareness of self comes from being attentive to our environment. In this space, we are able to connect to parts of ourselves that we never thought and felt existed. Men that are in their healthy masculine have a tremendous ability to step in to postures of self-awareness and allow others around them to be deeply inspired by their posturing. There is something to be said for a man who has a deeply cultivated sense of self-awareness; especially in context to conscious relating.

9. To Be Trusted

We all need to be trusted and when we are, we become deeply real with who we are. We move beyond the superficial and those of us that are healthy and connected will always thrive on an environment of trust. When you openly demonstrate to another that you trust them with all that they are and that you are, you are granting them permission to liberate themselves from the shackles of ignorance, fear and façade. This is a true gift.

 10. To Be Revered & Treated Like A Queen

Men, treat your women like she is the only woman on this Earth. That means be there; be present; be attentive and be loving towards her. Embody authenticity, encapsulate truth, be you, remain true to your values and pamper her. This means loving her fully, embracing her, holding her and gazing deep in to her eyes.

Spoil her, come from a place of sincerity and no expectation, treat her for what and who she is and be cherish her word, her action and the ground she walks on? Why? Simply, because of her intrinsic value…

 11. Adaptive & Versatile

The feminine is fluid, she flows and she is connected deeply to Earth. This energy at times can be unpredictable. As men we must be open to being adaptive and robust in the manner in which we connect with the women in our lives, ourselves and our Earth.

 12. Clarity Is King / Queen

When you as a man have clarity or your masculine has clarity, the women in our lives (or the feminine within) thrives, feels safe, is empowered and can leap in to life. We begin to direct our present moment actions with what we value most because we have clarity and from this we grow and we literally immerse in to complete happiness.

 13. Discernment

Being discerning is intimately linked and connected to the embodiment of clarity and wisdom. Discernment means to be direct and to make decisions according to our highest consciousness. Discernment is intimately linked to heightened states of self-awareness. In order for relationships to flow well, discerning judgement is necessary for our merging and bonding for it allows us to make decisions about the course of our relationship that are in alignment. Further, discernment compliments the contrasted flow and agility of the feminine and this is empowering when it comes to complimenting each other in relationship.

 14. Stability & Predictability

In stability we become predictable – we become comfortable and familiar and we ultimately become safe. In this open safety we are so connected to our core. It is here full expression of self transpires and unwinds in to the magnificence that we are.

 15. Support & Genuine Empowerment

Supporting and genuinely caring for those we love is not only endearing it sustains and enables our relationships. It allows them to be connected and the women in our lives when feeling supported in their mission, posturing and space that they occupy are able to leap in to great creativity, creation and inner strength.

Final Thoughts & Feelings

We are all individual beings and what we truly want in relationship will vary depending on a myriad of variables, inclusive of: historical context, values, cultural norms, societal influences, preferences, fears, wounding and so much more. What is evident and necessary in order for a relationship to flourish is openly communicating our needs from a place of sincere care and love.

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos

Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker