Craves power

Seeks excessive control and is oppressive

Objectifies women

Disregard the opinions or beliefs of others

Are excessively violent or abusive

Careless, volatile and ruthless

Discriminate against difference – ex. Sexist

Vain and arrogant with narcissistic tendencies

Greedy – value materialism over substance in relationships

Self-centered and taking in relationship – what’s in it for me attitude

Avoidant of intimacy

Adrenaline junkie

Lacks meaningful friendships

Over-comparison to others

Driven by shame and guilt

Never enough attitude

This energy, which applies to both men and women is less about gender and more about expression in this specific context. We talk about these traits in “masculine” terms because they are associated with that contrasted energetic expression. We can use other terms such as: “go energy” or “do energy”. These energies are vital for us but when extreme like anything becomes unhealthy.

Shadow energy is an energy that is consumed with extremes and resides within us when we feel hyper threatened, overly fearful, cannot self regulate and feel constantly in danger. Some may retract from the world, some may lash out.

The opportunity when behaving in any extreme is for us to shift. The extreme within us is actually guiding us towards something more balanced. As part of nature, we thrive in homeostasis. We seek this and it seeks us.

As we are complex beings, this homeostasis seeks us in such a way that may appear painful or intense. Moving through this develops our character, cultivates resilience and allows us to expand our full selves.

It’s not pleasant nor is it sustainable to behave in these ways. We push people away and densify further our tensile behaviors. We will generally pick up these ways of being as something that is our norm during our developmental years.

We are not wrong for being this way. We are generally a product of our environment – fear, volatility, societal values and more. Shaming men or others for this won’t help. Keeping each other accountable, however, is necessary.  Where have you perhaps expressed any of these traits in your life? I know I have… and many of them. 

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author