Signs You Are In Your Shadow Masculine

Craves power

Seeks excessive control and is oppressive

Objectifies women

Disregard the opinions or beliefs of others

Are excessively violent or abusive

Careless, volatile and ruthless

Discriminate against difference – ex. Sexist

Vain and arrogant with narcissistic tendencies

Greedy – value materialism over substance in relationships

Self-centered and taking in relationship – what’s in it for me attitude

Avoidant of intimacy

Adrenaline junkie

Lacks meaningful friendships

Over-comparison to others

Driven by shame and guilt

Never enough attitude

This energy, which applies to both men and women is less about gender and more about expression in this specific context. We talk about these traits in “masculine” terms because they are associated with that contrasted energetic expression. We can use other terms such as: “go energy” or “do energy”. These energies are vital for us but when extreme like anything becomes unhealthy.

Shadow energy is an energy that is consumed with extremes and resides within us when we feel hyper threatened, overly fearful, cannot self regulate and feel constantly in danger. Some may retract from the world, some may lash out.

The opportunity when behaving in any extreme is for us to shift. The extreme within us is actually guiding us towards something more balanced. As part of nature, we thrive in homeostasis. We seek this and it seeks us.

As we are complex beings, this homeostasis seeks us in such a way that may appear painful or intense. Moving through this develops our character, cultivates resilience and allows us to expand our full selves.

It’s not pleasant nor is it sustainable to behave in these ways. We push people away and densify further our tensile behaviors. We will generally pick up these ways of being as something that is our norm during our developmental years.

We are not wrong for being this way. We are generally a product of our environment – fear, volatility, societal values and more. Shaming men or others for this won’t help. Keeping each other accountable, however, is necessary.  Where have you perhaps expressed any of these traits in your life? I know I have… and many of them. 

One is glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



Desire Is NOT Toxic – Another Spin On Wanting

Wanting and desire get a bad rep – let’s flip this notion…
We think if we desire for life we are unhealthy, selfish and disconnected. We are ‘bad’ people if we desire. It is not that we are desiring, it is HOW we desire that sets the tone for our movement and existence in this life.

The Magnetic Holding

There is a calmness that comes from knowing you are held. When a woman knows she is held and seen for who she truly is there is placidity that unravels within the chasms of her heart space.

There is a peacefulness that comes from being known for who you truly are. A peace that tells our bodies we no longer need to pretend. We no longer need to exert so much energy towards the masks of excess protection.

To Deprive Ourselves Of Touch Is To Deprive The World Of Circulating Love

To deprive ourselves of intimate connection is to remain shrouded in the veil we wear to protect from an invisible force that separates us.

To lose touch with touch is to scream to consciousness that we are not worthy.

To isolate ourselves from the wonder of visceral contact with another is to isolate ourselves from our humanity.

Understanding Trauma

Trauma is not simple. We can’t compare one’s trauma to another’s. “I wasn’t sexually abused or tortured, therefore I shouldn’t be distressed”. One’s trauma is not “worse” than someone else’s. And it’s difficult as we place a hierarchy on certain experiences. We must break away from comparing and observe our own experiences.

The Privilege Of ‘Taking’

How can we take? What does it mean to ‘take’? Why does it matter? True and authentic taking is trust in motion. Taking from a place of connection, transparency, empowerment and surrender can only occur when there are equitable power balances in play.

Share This