What Is Your Goal in Sexual Union?
Purely orgasmic-orientated sex keeps us in a vicious and addictive cycle of emptiness and incompleteness that requires “refilling.” Keeping us stuck in perpetual desire and release. Everything we now do drives us to maintain these unsustainable peak experiences, further distracting us from true deeper Union.
This obsessive desire to explosively ejaculate and orgasm becomes our crux. It becomes so addictive and we base so much on who we are and our value in this event, that like a drug we crave and need more of it to function. We then become monotone in our sexual expression. Experiencing only superficial connection masked as depth.
We equate the short-lasting peak experience to the be-all and end-all of the human potential. We are sadly mistaken. There is nothing wrong with orgasm. We have just been conditioned to believe that this is all there is. The truth is that there is more to us.
Exploration of the self and the other allows us to know ourselves at a greater capacity. We avoid this because part of that knowledge is not flavored sweetly. It is confronting. It is heavy and painful. We fear it and therefore fear ourselves and therefore distract with convenient peak experiences.
Take the time to relax the nervous system, the mind, and the heart. Slow the exploration of the other and yourself down. Be in the moment and do not attach your sexual exploration to an “outcome” that must be complete in its revolution.
For me, when I have slowed down and gazed deeply into the beloved that knows and sees me I have simultaneously come face to face with bliss and pain. The pain of being seen has been foreign to me and has revealed layers of pain from the past.
Layers to be witnessed and released. But breaking through that initial layer of the fear of intimacy has been difficult. Why, because intimacy has been dangerous for me in the past and I spent most of my life in superficial sexual interaction attempting to make the pain and avoid the truth of release.
We don’t like change as humans… And would rather remain in the pain of the unknown than enter the fear of the unknown…
What are you willing to face within yourself?
One is glad to be of service
Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author
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