Men – Healthy Pursuit

In our culture, in our society (men in particular) can often be ostracized for single minded and tenacious pursuit.

When we engage or embody any expressive state in an imbalanced, non-harmonious and polarized manner over time we become almost toxic in our posture.

Is the pursuit of something of value, meaningful, purposeful and empowering not worthy of our deep attention? Is it not worthy of our focus?

It is, but like so much of life, intention is imperative and HOW we engage in this practice truly defines our capacity to experience inner harmony and equilibrium.

In modern society we have been conditioned that individualism, independence, success and the attainment of wealth is paramount to identifying one’s self-worth and contribution to society as meaningful.

If we are not successful, we are not a valuable citizen. So in order to feel needed, significant and connected (primary human needs) we pursue and often at any cost.

Men, have stepped up and in to this role deeply. We have identified with the tenacious pursuit of an objective or goal at any cost as being something that determines our ‘manliness’, manhood and self-worth.

‘At any cost’ is part of the polarization here. Pursuit in and of itself is beautiful, endearing, attractive and necessary. It becomes problematic when we pursue at the cost of other integral values.

Men have fallen in to this chasm and have unknowingly sacrificed the quality and intimacy of relationships because they have been able to discern what is needed in order to improve or create flourishing relationships.

Why, because our focus has been on the pursuit of attainment, accrual and ownership. How do we move in a healthier balance within whilst still honouring the value of pursuit?

We know self. We begin to value our interpersonal relationships. We move in delicate balance. We honour the art of non-attachment. We embrace other expressive states and values.

We cease to pursue at the expense of hurting others (which is what our society systemically and unconsciously often advocates through the prioritisation of certain values over others).

Single mindedness, tenacity, fierceness, focus from a place love, care, inclusivity and openness is considered healthy pursuit. This pursuit is liberating and allows us to flourish whilst promoting the importance of connected relationships.

As men, when we master this posture we become whole, we move in to healthy expressive states and we can embrace natural ways of being that do not exclude, harm and hurt our loved ones.

Yes, this level of truth can be attained and embodied fully. But we must realise that we needn’t compromise the quality of our focus and tenaciousness – we simply need to shift our beliefs and perspectives around our actions.

One is always glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author