Learn to say NO

…and at times YES… To really say no is one of the most challenging practices.

I was practicing yoga this morning and the Jogan instructed us that she would be coming around to make manual adjustments and them at if anyone was not wanting to be touched to simply raise their right leg as we were in Adhomukha śvānāsana (downward dog).

No one raised their leg and it got me thinking. How often do we speak our truth? How often do we really express how we feel? In a class of 40 people how confident would you be to say no, if you did not want to be adjusted?

Something as simple as honoring our personal space can often be so difficult. We want to be different enough to be noticed (validated, understood, seen), but not too different that we are ostracized or placed in the ‘out group’.

How often do you honor your no for the sake of your own needs and not be attached to what others may think of you or how they may react? In my life I have largely oscillated between either keeping completely quiet and withdrawing when I want to vocalize my truth or if I do express its in an extreme manner.

I am still learning to strike that harmonious balance and not take personally someone’s reaction to my truth – to my no. And to also not take personally if someone says no to me. We feel that sometimes. Our ego’s hurt, we think we are being attached and we revert and regress to often mal-adaptive or compensatory coping strategies developed as a child that are not really effective as an adult.

We come from past wounding and we want to appease the status quo. I spent so much of my life appeasing those I loved and retaliating to those I did not as an outlet for my repressed anger. I justified it in every way possible.

But really, it was because I didn’t value my inner guidance. I couldn’t say no when I needed to and yes when I really wanted to because my self-worth was shot. That was part of my story. Yours may be different, however I urge you to look deep within you and ask yourself:

“Am I truly honoring my needs in this moment, irrespective of what others are doing or not doing?”

One is always glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



A Story Of Longevity & Respect

We become so fucking excited when we move in to a relationship. Our hormones go wild, any form of intelligence gets thrown out with the trash. We become primal, we go deep in to our physiology.

Of course there are times when there is a ‘soul recognition’, a ‘past-life’ connection and then it becomes more spiritual. As this phenomenological experience is rising, for many this form of deepened awareness in intimate relationship eludes us.

What Is Masculinity?

Masculinity is not a fad, it’s not “bad”, toxic or wrong. Masculinity as an expressive construct is natural to us as men. As men, in our core essence of masculinity, we have lost touch with what it means to be “masculine”.
I am not here to tell you how to “be a man”. That’s your role, you know how. However, most men have lost deep contact with their healthy masculine presence. How to assume that power once more.

The Masculine Within

What happens when the masculine within leaves? All the times we’ve neglected ourselves didn’t trust, obsessed with excessive and external validation and approval and couldn’t contain our power, we lost our ability to love ourselves as we were.
We judged and didn’t appreciate. We felt unprotected, loose in our boundaries and excessive in our ways. Aggressive, short-tempered and sad that we were not seen. This is a big part of the “father wounding”.

The Approval Of The Father

Ah that fleeting moment when Dad approves you with his warm smile… And then, gone… There is great dignity and reverence in feeling the warmth, the solidarity and the support of the sacred father or grandfather energy. I recall often as a child yearning for the approval and the support of my father. Dearly wanting his wisdom imparted, the gentleness of his hand to guide me through life as I at times felt like I was catapulting through the cosmos.

The Holding Through Tears – An Open Share

“As I sit here today, contemplating, feeling the feels, slightly melancholic, yet optimistic and clear – allowing myself to be with where I am I reflect deeply on the temporal nature of ‘things’ and how they affect us and can I come back to holding self? There is great joy in feeling fully and not bypassing parts of self. It leads to greater overall happiness and connection.

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