Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

How To Make Sure You Don’t Lose Your Connection In Your Relationship

What Does It Mean To Have Connection?

Healthy, intimate and bonded connection in relationship is one of the most important contributing factors in the experiential quality and sustainability of any partnership. To have meaningful and real connection means to have a relationship that is empowering, open, communicative and authentic.

When we feel connected, we feel supported; in this support we are able to live our dharma with greater efficacy. Of course we must first and foremost cultivate the ability to live our dharma from a place within but when we are experiencing true connection in a relationship it is almost as if we have access to a great super-power. This super-power allows us to live at greater depth, be challenged, realise, learn, grow and transform.

Connection is our ability to feel supported, loved, understood, heard, felt, known and respected. Connection is our ability to communicate openly, honestly and at depth about life and about ‘stuff’ that actually matter to us. With that said, connection is a deep bonding where we consciously choose to be present to our lover or beloved. Connection is openly and overtly valuing the relationship for the growth and deep existential teaching’s it provides us.


What Do We Require In Order To Create Connection?

Creating connection is potentially easier than maintaining it, especially when we first meet another we are deeply attracted to we are largely driven by hormonal changes in the body and mind, directing us towards bonding deeper. Nevertheless, there must be a value alignment and deep interest with those we are experiencing intimacy with.

At a bare minimum we require the following to establish connection in intimate bonding and relationship:

  • Values alignment
  • Intention
  • Clarity in mind and heart
  • Open communication
  • Reverence and respect for one another
  • Meaningful and authentic attraction and alignment across all 9 areas of life
  • Honesty and congruent truth
  • Belief in each other
  • Gnosis of self – self-awareness
  • A deeper sense of purpose
  • The necessity to prioritise growth of each other over the formality of the relationship


How Do We Maintain Meaningful Connection?

Now, to maintain meaningful connection we require the following:

  • Effort
  • Diligence
  • Patience
  • Understanding
  • Compassion and empathy
  • Practice
  • Persistence
  • Tenacity and grit
  • Yearning for growth
  • Spontaneity
  • Endearing and enduring love through continual appreciation
  • Gratitude
  • Deep sharing
  • Varied intimacy 
  • Progression through the second stage of love 

We can begin to grasp the importance of these above points and that with sincere attention and deliberate intention we can actually maintain connection and therefore experience magic and wonderment in our relationships on various levels.


What Must We Embody In Order to Be That Connection?

We must embody our authentic nature. The moment we paly to the tune of another’s song, compromising our own melodic dance through life we lose connection to self. Losing this connection to self translates to the intensity of the flame of connection we have with our beloved also diminishing.

If we maximise others at our expense (minimising our needs and desires), we lose ourselves. We fracture our being and fragment our hearts, minds and souls. In this space we cannot possibly be connected nor maintain intimate and meaningful connection to our beloved. We begin to drift, life gets in the way, we lose connection to our core values, purpose and truth. Our self-worth diminishes and we become lost in an internal sea of turmoil.

We must choose consciously and openly to embody wholeness, embody oneness and embody our power. In this space of being open to life, we are also open to possibility and truth. In this we are open to our beloved. Open to the pain, the woes, the bliss, the glory, the sadness, the intensity, the joy – all of it. And here we maintain connection because we are living in the present moment and we are profoundly grateful for the intimacy that is life.


What Value Does Connection Truly Add To Our Lives?

Connection allows us to grow, be whole and experience truth in love. Connection allows us to be at one with life. The experience of meaningful connection supports us when we are suffering. It grants us perspective and allows us to feel gratitude during arduous and challenging times. Connection is the conduit between potentiality and actuality. This is true power and this is what liberates us from suffering.


Final Thoughts & Feelings

So, how to make sure you don’t lose connection in your relationship comes down to following the principles above. In the realm of relating, when we are connected, we are bonded, we are unified and we feel empowered. And remember, connection begins from within and ends with us being connected to self. All else is an extension and manifestation of our inner being.

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

To Deprive Ourselves Of Touch Is To Deprive The World Of Circulating Love

To deprive ourselves of intimate connection is to remain shrouded in the veil we wear to protect from an invisible force that separates us.

To lose touch with touch is to scream to consciousness that we are not worthy.

To isolate ourselves from the wonder of visceral contact with another is to isolate ourselves from our humanity.

A Story Of Longevity & Respect

We become so fucking excited when we move in to a relationship. Our hormones go wild, any form of intelligence gets thrown out with the trash. We become primal, we go deep in to our physiology.

Of course there are times when there is a ‘soul recognition’, a ‘past-life’ connection and then it becomes more spiritual. As this phenomenological experience is rising, for many this form of deepened awareness in intimate relationship eludes us.

Desire and Be Intimate Together

A couple that desires together, shares intimacy together.

Co-visioning is essential when it comes to deepen our intimate connection. Sharing ourselves and our inner most thoughts and feelings (aka vulnerability and radical honesty) bonds us and helps us know each other.

Gender Reverence

When we choose to see, feel and interact beyond the normative lens of segregation we grow. This does not mean we do not value difference – biological, social, cultural, behavioural, relational, neurological, hormonal, etc. It means though, that we do not discriminate, bias towards or subjugate on prima-facie value based on obvious or subtle physical or ideological differences.

The Heavier the Rock, The Lighter the Mind

And… Not always. Without, what I call the practice of ‘Vertical Masculine Presence’ as men we can become lost in our movement through the world. This model of ‘Vertical Masculine Presence’ consists of 6 key practices. Let’s unpack them!

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