Our Journey Towards Healing (Doing The Inner Work)

We all strive for perfection in our own ways. For the masculine, it’s generally through a feeling of emptiness, freedom, and a sense of depth in the world. For the feminine it’s in fullness, feeling whole and connected to all things. It is both our conscious and unconscious expectations of perfection that fuel who we are and who we become.

It is our recognition of the worth and intrinsic value of our soul that releases us from the catchment of our rigid or extreme ideas of who we must be in order to be “perfect.”

We develop our sense of self from the experiences presented to us throughout our lives. I often have wondered where my need to be perfect has come from? My need to excel no matter what, at any and even cost.

Pressure from my father, witnessing him hate himself and be hard on everyone to do more or better; a need to appease him; the world demanding more of us and consistently telling us we are not enough.

For the masculine this requirement is to be powerful, yet detached, stoic and elevated yet grounded, wealthy, yet available. These often difficult personas to reach, without reprieve, have limited us.

As I reflect on this, I have noticed the many times I have fallen short, and the many times I have made myself wrong or less than for doing so. This has impacted my attitude and how closed or open I was to others and to myself.

I was full of self-judgment and when I immerse myself in this place, even today I become deeply distracted and obsessed with this need to be seen as perfect, strong, having it all together, and adept (knowing it all).

I often think I must be seen as some form of intellectual or “spiritual guru.” The truth is whilst I have done a great deal of deep work and I own that work, I am embodied in this practice AND I falter, I fall, I forget who I am and I am not perfect.

I truly feel it’s our imperfections that make us “perfect.” It’s our imperfections that help us move towards greater grace, more intimate communion with the divine, and our beloved. Perhaps a deeper connection to ourselves even.

An ability to relax, accept (not be in resignation), and approve of ourselves without the need for the unconscious approval of others, therefore not contorting ourselves or placing excessive pressure on ourselves to play to the tune of a fiddle that is not ours.

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS
Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

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