Our Journey Towards Healing (Doing The Inner Work)

We all strive for perfection in our own ways. For the masculine, it’s generally through a feeling of emptiness, freedom, and a sense of depth in the world. For the feminine it’s in fullness, feeling whole and connected to all things. It is both our conscious and unconscious expectations of perfection that fuel who we are and who we become.

It is our recognition of the worth and intrinsic value of our soul that releases us from the catchment of our rigid or extreme ideas of who we must be in order to be “perfect.”

We develop our sense of self from the experiences presented to us throughout our lives. I often have wondered where my need to be perfect has come from? My need to excel no matter what, at any and even cost.

Pressure from my father, witnessing him hate himself and be hard on everyone to do more or better; a need to appease him; the world demanding more of us and consistently telling us we are not enough.

For the masculine this requirement is to be powerful, yet detached, stoic and elevated yet grounded, wealthy, yet available. These often difficult personas to reach, without reprieve, have limited us.

As I reflect on this, I have noticed the many times I have fallen short, and the many times I have made myself wrong or less than for doing so. This has impacted my attitude and how closed or open I was to others and to myself.

I was full of self-judgment and when I immerse myself in this place, even today I become deeply distracted and obsessed with this need to be seen as perfect, strong, having it all together, and adept (knowing it all).

I often think I must be seen as some form of intellectual or “spiritual guru.” The truth is whilst I have done a great deal of deep work and I own that work, I am embodied in this practice AND I falter, I fall, I forget who I am and I am not perfect.

I truly feel it’s our imperfections that make us “perfect.” It’s our imperfections that help us move towards greater grace, more intimate communion with the divine, and our beloved. Perhaps a deeper connection to ourselves even.

An ability to relax, accept (not be in resignation), and approve of ourselves without the need for the unconscious approval of others, therefore not contorting ourselves or placing excessive pressure on ourselves to play to the tune of a fiddle that is not ours.

One is glad to be of service.

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



Transcending Into The Ethereal in Sacred Union

Intimate sexual union is more about harmonizing the energetic poles between two beings than it is about reaching a particular “state”. The greatest “mistake” we make though is thinking that harmonization is a dulling down of our polarities or expression in order to be in some type of mundane state or balance… Quite the contrary.

The Pursuit Of Rawness

There is something sacred, yet tantalizingly fucking sexy about exposing ourselves in complete rawness to another living being.

To be seen for who we are, what we are, what we perceive and what we bring to the world in rawness, open vulnerability and the risk of being completely rejected is exhilarating yet epically scary.

The Contracted Heart

We spend so much of our lives protecting ourselves from hurt, pain and fear. We retract ourselves and in dong so also retract and hide our gifts from the world and from ourselves.

Doing The Inner Work

Firstly, this isn’t a gender thing. It’s a people thing. We are often really scared of change.
This is often a tough one in relationships. We want people to change with us, to do what we do, try what we try, feel what we feel and share similar interests.
At a primal level, it is our nervous system feeling safe in the presence of familiarity. Additionally, when we share similar paths, values and interests we are all part of the “in-group”. In social psychology, this is crucial to one’s feeling of being safe and surviving.

There Is Great Depth and Presence In Man

It exists.

It is there.

It is presence, it is stillness.

It is beyond the superficial and it is beyond the stigma.


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