Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

Desire Is NOT Toxic – Another Spin On Wanting

Wanting and desire get a bad rep – let’s flip this notion…

We think if we desire for life we are unhealthy, selfish and disconnected. We are ‘bad’ people if we desire. It is not that we are desiring, it is HOW we desire that sets the tone for our movement and existence in this life.

It becomes why we desire and the intention and energy that moves our desire. What occurs if we desire and expect and attach and do not receive what we perceived? What occurs when we are certain that that we ‘need’ an experience, ‘thing’, relationship or person and it does not transpire? How do we behave here?

We begin to understand that desiring is a natural part of life, living, being and moving in this world. Desire clarifies intention, which lends itself to taking action. Taking action liberates us from stagnation and promotes growth and full exploration of self and of life.

If we become caught in cycle of ‘empty desire’ then we lose ourselves in a perpetual state of always wanting more – never satisfied with who we are and what we have. When our desire is clear, purposeful, meaningful and connected we carry an inner knowing that as long as we are living in and on purpose, we are deliberate, mindful, open and connected in action and vision, desire does not become cumbersome but rather exciting and astounding.

Why? Because of that clarity, that inner knowing that all will transpire as it needs to. Not because of some blind notion of dissociative attachment from the integrated self, but rather because we know and feel we are doing all we can to be the most aligned, congruent and empowered version of ourselves. If we judge ourselves for ‘wanting’, then we will never progress, grow, expand or unravel – we will remain stagnant. Then we leave it to TRUST. We must trust fully ourselves first; that does not mean we do not pivot, adjust or adapt if we need to, we do and we do it from a place of growth, expansion and learning. This is where we act, have preferences in life but are not rigid and attached to these preferences, because we know that what is for us based on our integrity in action carries great wisdom.

Now, we refrain from remaining in the past wishing and hoping or projected in to the future worried whether our actions will lead us to what we think we need. We all deserve wonder. Yet, we often miss the wonder in the present because we are so concerned with a single minded idea that has perhaps reached its use by date.

Single mindedness has an integral place in our world, but only from a place of sincere self-connectedness. Want away, desire all you wish and create the experiences in life that will liberate you from depressant suffering, low self-worth, ignorance and limiting fear. You are worthy of this and so much more.

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
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When Someone Tells You That You Can’t, What They’re Really Saying Is They Can’t

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When those in your life display jealousy, ‘put downs’, relentless and thoughtless doubt, nay-saying, antagonistic behavior and looking for and identifying the worst in all that you are and do, it is linked intimately to their own sense of self.

Strive For Greater Equity

The nature of reality shows us that one cannot exist without the other (duality – light and dark/good and evil). We may never “find” or create absolute “peace,” but that doesn’t mean we cannot do our best to strive for greater equity, deeper love, a more profound appreciation for difference and a truer reverence for ourselves and each other.

The Change Of Man

Men have been in flux for a great deal of time – transmuting, reviving, redefining and realising their role, place and understanding of self. For those men especially that are not graced by (or have produced) affluence and have access to resources these are trying times on their masculinity and their perception of self…

Better OUT than IN

My beautiful grandmother would tell me to never hold farts in. In Italian, she would say often “Always out, never in.” I remember this distinctly, and then she would burp and I would laugh hysterically. She was the best! I then would run around farting and get excited to go to the toilet haha! I now often think about the real life implications of ‘out’.

The Unavailable Man

The unavailable man is not only unavailable to you, but he is also unavailable to himself… Unavailability can be super evident or it can hide in the shadows. Your partner (mirror and extension of usually the father figure or archetype) will keep coming back into your life as a man that is emotionally unavailable, physically distant, a perpetual long-distance relationship, not prioritizing you, and much more.

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