A couple that desires together shares intimacy together.

Co-visioning is essential when it comes to deepening our intimate connection. Sharing ourselves and our innermost thoughts and feelings (aka vulnerability and radical honesty) bonds us and helps us know each other.

To be seen in a relationship requires we share all of who we are. This step towards wholeness is crucial to building a coherent and vibrant relationship. Even the “ugly” parts — the parts of ourselves we dislike and are averse to.

Choosing to share these parts of ourselves with our beloved allows them to see and feel us in a way that feels safe because they witness us NOT hiding and compartmentalizing ourselves. We feel safer because we are making ourselves known.

I was recently with a client and they were hiding a secret from their past from their partner. They were newly together and I guided this man to share this sort of his past with his beloved. And that she would appreciate and hold this truth and sharing with greater reverence.

Now, there is a gentle and specific process to this that honoured his truth and hers. Respected her needs, created a container and expression of safety for her to step greater into non-judgment.

We can’t always share our deepest selves with just anyone if we have not done the inner work and built the self-worth, awareness and resilience to potentially deal with rejection, humiliation, etc. This is primary.

AND… she was safe, he felt safe and we had done the work to build his confidence and work through his own self-compassion and non-judgment towards himself and his past, which involved infidelity, extreme bouts of aggression, and sexual abuse towards him when he was a child.

They carried history together, they trusted each other and they were also realistic around change, growth and uncomfortable times. I had also worked with her to help her understand the masculine condition, male self-suppression and perception and helped her understand and truly feel him as he did with her.

He allowed himself to express, understand and get messy with other men and in deliberate solitude first. He was witnessed by his brothers and himself and then he was able to bring his truth to his beloved. This energy is so different. It’s not as charged and it’s clearer — something his partner deeply appreciated.

Desiring and sharing at this level comes from trust and willingness and of course clearing up our non-serving pasts. 

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author