Bullies Are Tortured Souls

Bullies are tortured souls. Fractured and fragmented by their own sense of not belonging, feeling rejected, and being isolated themselves. They turn to outward blame and assault to feel better and feel relief from their powerlessness. It doesn’t justify it, nor make it right… We heal through resilience and compassion. Lets’ delve in deeper…

I get it, I have been on both sides of the fence. I have been bullied, felt disempowered, alone, weak, and broken. I hid from the world. I was bullied by my father, at school, and by those I trusted. I felt I didn’t fit anywhere.

I got older with all of that repressed anger and rage and I became the bully. Violence, hate, anger, short-temper, and rage, filled my heart, and leaked out through my actions. I felt no one understood me and I wanted to be seen, so I went dark, I went extreme and pushed the edges to get the respect, fear, and attention I felt I deserved.

Fighting was the norm, arrogance, the need to be right, and hurting others to relieve me of my own pain. I suppressed a lot of this as I moved out of this phase of needing to prove myself in such abrupt ways in my late twenties and conveniently forgot about what happened to me and how I also behaved. I justified it and pushed down my shame.

All I wanted was to be respected particularly by my father. All boys want to yearn for this secretly. We look up to them as Gods. I had a rude awakening a few years ago when someone reached out to me that I had bullied in high school and humiliated them and they said to me.

“You think you are all good and mighty now because you have ‘healed’ and are preaching goodness, do you forget what you did to me”. It hit me hard. The worst part. I remembered nothing. That sinking feeling in my stomach. It all came back. I felt my inner little boy’s pain and what I had also projected on to others. “More inner work to do”. So I went there and leaned all the way in.

It is sad the way in which we hurt each other to alleviate our own sense of pain, fear, or unworthiness. People suffer, they fall into the trap of victim and hide their magic from the world. This energetic collectively permeates our culture creating chasms in the way we relate and love each other.

We must intend towards recognizing our wholeness so that we do not raise fractured children. Children must be relished, loved, and adored. Yes, a healthy challenge is healthy, but to disenfranchise a child’s power is devastating and simply put, hurt people, hurt people.

I am sorry if you have been bullied or have deep regret about being the bully. It’s never too late.

One is glad to be of service.

Photo: https://unsplash.com/@ilayzaphotography

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author