Better OUT than IN

My beautiful grandmother would tell me to never hold farts in. In Italian, she would say often “Always out, never in.” I remember this distinctly, and then she would burp and I would laugh hysterically. She was the best! I then would run around farting and get excited to go to the toilet haha! I now often think about the real life implications of ‘out’.

I equate this out to a very visceral release, which (depending on context) can lead to deeper psycho-emotional and spiritual releases! I mean, how liberating and great does it feel to sneeze, fart, go to the toilet, ejaculate, orgasm, primal scream, cry or tell someone something deeply personal? I think my grandmother was on to something deeply philosophical…

I mean think about it. How liberating does it feel to create that space within us when we release what no longer serves us? What needs to flee our consciousness and state…

That leads me to the next part of this story. Yesterday, I had something important and personal I wanted and needed to share with my beautiful beloved. We needed the space to do so and were occupied all day. I chose to sit with it and not communicate this in passing but rather create the environment to do justice to the exchange.

Let me tell you, I was sweating it and nervous all day even though I knew it was in alignment and integrity with my being and relationship to discuss this, however the monkey mind was still sneaking in to add confusion and possible ‘disaster thinking’ to the mix.

I waited and waited and waited amidst being occupied with work. We finally connected and I spoke this truth. I chose to stand strong in my expression and not be attached to how my beloved may respond.

She responded with understanding and deep compassion. She even laughed at the fact that I thought what I was sharing would upset here. This was a massive relief.

I was worried for no real reason, stories that I had concocted in my mind as to how it may go. I knew it would be fine, however fear crept in during the day as I delayed the discussion (release) and it disorientated me. The point of this is that when we hold anything inside that needs to come out we are losing in life.

Is there someone you need to tell something to? Is there something you’re holding on to that needs to come out?

One is glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



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Man is penetrative by nature. Part of his core essence is to penetrate deeply in to the world. To penetrate with his gaze, his heart, his soul, his mind, his breath, his posture, his presence and his sexuality.

How You May Be Unealthily Co-Dependent

Codependency keeps us in old patterns of reliance, low self-worth and playing safe. The patterns around codependency rely on others to feel “good”, safe, “whole”. This sensation and yearning of wanting to feel complete or whole reside within all of us.

The Deal With “Feminine” Men

A hyper-feminized man has often received projection from a parent enmeshing with them and “needing” unconscious intimacy from their children, as they are not receiving it from their partners. This has caused the man to shut down his masculine essence and presence, whilst appeasing and prioritizing others and entertaining the unhealthy aspects of his feminine due to the codependent nature of his relationship with one or both of his parents.

Keeping It Real

For us to love each other we must respect each others anger.

Fierceness is an expression of inner strength; violence is an expression of frustrated, unconscious impotence. To disagree when in Union is natural.

We think disagreement is bad! What looks like a fight is maybe the fierceness of love raging passionately in to the space that lovers occupy. More often than not, it’s individuated wounding rising to the surface.

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