We are often so afraid of our no’s. We are afraid to be seen as perhaps going against the grain, letting others down, being seen a certain way or perhaps there is a fear of a backlash – rejection, humiliation, abandonment at the deepest roots of our fears.

No may imply that we are not agreeable and therefore not part of the in-group. At a visceral and primal level this means death, being ostracised, isolation and being alone.

No one wants that and no one wants to really go against the needs of others. So, we appease. We people please and we sacrifice our values for the happiness and way of others. Saying no requires courage. Saying no means that we are stepping FULLY in to our truth without inhibition and with purity of courage.

Saying no means we are assuming full responsibility and ownership for our state, beliefs, feelings and needs. Saying no means we know ourselves and we also run the risk ‘losing’ people in our lives. Say no may actually limit the pool of peers we wish to spend our precious energy with.

What saying no also does is liberate us. It allows us to choose wisely and more authentically who and what we experience in our lives. What holding a strong NO actually does is fortify our YES by providing us with clear contrast and opposite, not a murky ‘half in / half out’ approach to life.

A clear no is a clear yes to what is not a know. Clarity is powerful when it comes to intimate relating and navigating our way through the world. With clarity in what is for us and what is not, our lives become a jumbled mess of other people’s values, norms and ideals.

We lose ourselves in appeasing others and we become frustrated, resentful and disillusioned with life and we are truly not fulfilled. Why? Because our choices and actions are not congruent with what we truly want. We all want our intuitive centres to flourish.

To be able to make decisions quickly, accurately and with precision. To ‘KNOW’ that the choices we make are ‘right’ for us. In order to master this art, we must practice being diligently truthful with all that we are in the world. If not, we suffer and often silently, which makes it worse as confusion is now added to the mix.

If you want to be a F*CK YES in life, then KNOW your no’s and act on them, fear will only stunt your expansion and isolate you further from those and that which you love… Trust that the yes’s will follow organically.

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author